Today makes 8 years since we lost her. Seems crazy how the times flies. I tried for so long to remember every detail of her, her voice, her smile, her personality, her hands... I wanted it to be 2 days ago forever, so I could remember her perfectly. After not hearing her voice for 8 years, I only have a vague memory of what it sounds like, and I miss it.
I do remember singing our hearts out to spice girls, about 8 years after no one else listened to them anymore, I remember going to her room because I couldn't sleep and talking all night. I remember May 14th, 2002, the last time I saw her, I remember word for word our last conversation. I remember waking up to the news. I remember the days, weeks and months after when I could do nothing but cry and pray for an angel to help me start to live again because I knew I couldn't do it on my own. Then I found out that I was pregnant, due May 15th, I was sent an angel. A year later, I, again, found out I was pregnant due May15th. Another angel.
I am grateful for my babies, they helped, and are still helping to mend my heart after losing her. I will always miss her, and not a day goes by that I do not think about her. I go back in time everyday for a few moments to relive some of our time together. Kaiden is very much like her, and Ethan like me, and it is as though I am reliving my time with her by watching them together, and I am thankful for that. I know she is with me everyday all the time and I am very thankful for the 19 years that I had her with me in the physical, and thankful for my 2 angels that brought my life purpose again.
"Every step I take, every move I make, every single day, every time I pray... I'll be missing you."