Sunday, May 15, 2011

Rachael Bowen

Today makes 8 years since we lost her.  Seems crazy how the times flies.  I tried for so long to remember every detail of her, her voice, her smile, her personality, her hands... I wanted it to be 2 days ago forever, so I could remember her perfectly.  After not hearing her voice for 8 years, I only have a vague memory of what it sounds like, and I miss it.

I do remember singing our hearts out to spice girls, about 8 years after no one else listened to them anymore, I remember going to her room because I couldn't sleep and talking all night.  I remember May 14th, 2002, the last time I saw her, I remember word for word our last conversation.  I remember waking up to the news.  I remember the days, weeks and months after when I could do nothing but cry and pray for an angel to help me start to live again because I knew I couldn't do it on my own.  Then I found out that I was pregnant, due May 15th, I was sent an angel.  A year later, I, again, found out I was pregnant due May15th.  Another angel.  

I am grateful for my babies, they helped, and are still helping to mend my heart after losing her.  I will always miss her, and not a day goes by that I do not think about her.  I go back in time everyday for a few moments to relive some of our time together.  Kaiden is very much like her, and Ethan like me, and it is as though I am reliving my time with her by watching them together, and I am thankful for that.  I know she is with me everyday all the time and I am very thankful for the 19 years that I had her with me in the physical, and thankful for my 2 angels that brought my life purpose again.

"Every step I take, every move I make, every single day, every time I pray... I'll be missing you."

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully written! She will truly be missed forever, but never ever forgotten. She brought us closer, and because of her we became the bestest of friends. I love that you and I can talk about her frequently like she never left. Love you and your family.
    -your bestie